Losing a loved one is an experience that we all have to confront at some point in our lives and it can be difficult, while grieving ourselves, to know what to say or how to comfort our children. Many good books have been written in recent years that can assist caregivers and supply comfort and understanding for children in this situation.
Death of a Parent
Daddy's Promise - Cindy Klein Cohen & John T. Heiney, Promise Publications, 1997. A young boy feels anger and betrayal when his father dies before fulfilling a promise. He is comforted by his mother and a vision of his father that comes to him in a dream. This book has a child-centred viewpoint and tackles sensitively and respectfully many of the questions that young people have about death.
Flamingo Dream - Donna Jo Napoli, Greenwillow Books, 2002. Narrated by a young girl who is aware that her father is dying of cancer, this book provides some lovely imagery about the cycle of life and death. Celebrating the love and life of the person who is lost, the young girl and her mother create a "Year Book' to remember her father with. Young children may be comforted by commemorating their loved one with a 'Year Book' of their own.
Death of a Grandparent
Old Pig - Margaret Wild & Ron Brooks, Allen & Unwin, 1997. A beautiful story about the joys of love and living. Old Pig faces her imminent death with calm acceptance, her last wish being to feast her eyes upon the beauty of her town one more time. Death is gentle, a natural progression, and Old Pig dies, asleep in her grandaughter's arms.
Passing On - Mike Dumbleton & Terry Denton, Random House, 2001. A moving story from an older child's point of view. A boy remembers with love the things his grandma did with him and he honours her memory by doing these things with his little brother.
Loss of a Sibling
Jenny Angel - Margaret Wild & Anne Spudvilas, Penguin, 2002. Jenny's brother is dying. She tries to become his guardian angel but she cannot save him. Children often blame themselves for the death of a loved one. This story affirms that it is not their fault.
Loss of a Friend
The Dove Tree - Nan Hunt & Alison Kubbos, Random House, 1991. Also suitable for children who are suffering from a serious illness, The Dove Tree is narrated by a young girl with cancer who wants to live to see her friend Hannah's dove tree flower. In an ironic twist, Hannah is killed in a car accident, but we are left with a feeling of hope for the narrator.
Reading a story won't take away the pain of losing a loved one, but it may help to open the lines of communication and provide a safe environment for children to talk about their feelings. Having their experiences validated in a story can help children realise that what they are feeling is natural and that they do not have to suffer alone.
